I've been thinking alot lately about a conversation I had a long time ago with
author Spaulding Gray about the creative process and being true to ones self and vision...and at what cost. I asked him ,How do YOU deal with writing about such
intimate things AND with worrying about what those who may be have been affected by it's reaction.
His response was very heartfelt and obvious he had thought about it deeply at some
point in his life.."You can't ,you can't think about both, you have to separate the two things.you just can't worry about what someone is thinking about you or your work.
It will make you censor yourself and then make your voice untrue.It will kill you."
EVERY creative person in their career has grappled with this same thing. I know.
IN my own career path I have wrestled with some issues myself. Stories I have done about family issues, my growing up. Still remain hidden away from the very people it
discusses. I know, It's ONLY comics, not some monumental tome destined to be read by millions and worthy of a Pulitzer. But still, powerfully capable of affecting the subjects I talk about.
And I ask myself, "Can they SEE the difference between malice and my need to be true to myself and my craft? Can they appreciate the creative license I have taken with maybe an incident? I know many can in my life, and I question a few that can't. Possibly they lack the appreciation for what I am after creatively? I don't know...I never asked them. Maybe I never will.
My recent writing explorations have led me to this path again, of finding myself censoring as I go...not just because I worry about what someone ELSE will think of me, of this I freely admit,but of exposing myself to the rawness of my life experiences
and opening ME up to someone thinking ill of me, or embarrassment over what has transpired. Granted everything has to be taken not LITERALLY but LIBERALLY , after all, it's ONLY a COMICSTRIP!
My ability to take some events in my life and find the humour in it,or inspiration, has always been my strong suit. My comic strip has ALWAYS been about things in my life, my observations, my loves, my hates, what inspires me,my fantasies,my rants, VENTING it purging it out on paper..This always HAS To be..for that is
MY TRUE VOICE, what I have always been called to create deep in my heart. To do anything LESS would be a disservice to myself and to anyone reading it.
Granted it could bite me on the ass, I could never get any further than a little blog
comic website.No major "entertaining the masses,in newspapers everywhere"..but...so what? What do you see deep down inside yourself at the end of the day? Being able to know you didn't compromise yourself so much that you don't recognize yourself ,your work anymore. That is the key...BOTH things, success AND being true...ah that is TRULY
a SUCCESS..self satisfaction! One I FULLY intend to achieve!
I will always strive to entertain, be silly, be TRUE to myself . I will always
have deep affection for my subjects. I never feel malice towards them,because they are the fuel that feeds me.They are mine, they surround me always! Without them I have no honest voice,
and for that I love and thank them.
so on that note , here's what I've been working on lately...
music of the day: Morrissey, Flogging Molly
food of the day: more yummy greek yogurt, green tea!(an some kick ass gummie bears)
mood of the day: purged, cool and classy, with a side of sassy!
love you my chickies!!!